Summer of '88

I rolled into California with my college roommate, Lee. We had caravaned across America from North Carolina. Both our cars were loaded to the ceilings with clothes, futons and guitars.

My old Uncle Eric was kind enough to let us stay for a few days at his home in Santa Monica. During this time we scoured the classifieds for apartments. The ads were broken up into areas with names like Century City, Silverlake, Eagle Rock, Glendale, Miracle Mile, yadda yadda yadda. We mapped the areas with our road atlas but we had no idea what we were looking at.

"Glendale is green."

All the other areas were various shades of yellow and red.

"Okay, let's live in Glendale."

Finding someone who would rent a place to 2 unemployed hillbillies wasn't easy. After several failed attempts, we had an appointment to meet a lady who seemed willing to take a chance on us. We cleaned out Lee's car, put on our best clothes and drove to pick her up. Lee set his radio to a classical station, in hopes this would impress our potential landlady.

She lived in a large Spanish style home in a nice area of Glendale. She was short and stocky, and she spoke in a high-pitched voice that stretched words out in odd ways.

"Do yooooou see the waaaaax in the craaaaaaacks?"

"Excuse me?"

She was pointing to the floor.

"Riiiiiiiight theeeere. I can't get rid of the waaaaaaax."

Next thing we knew, she pulled out a mop bucket and some old toothbrushes. Lee and I were down on our knees scrubbing some invisible residue out of the cracks in this lady's floorboards.

Then she started talking about wanting to make a soup.

"I want to make a sooooooooup toniiiiiighht. I neeeeeed to go to the market to get some meeeeeeaaat."

Lee and I nodded up at her. "Okay."

"I did not go to the baaaank todaaaaaay. Do you haaave any mooooooney?"

We dug our thin wallets out and handed over about $10.

"I will be riiiiiiigght back"

Then we watched through a huge picture window as she drove away down the long driveway. The view overlooked a beautifully landscaped yard. There was a fat mourning dove hopping about and pecking at the grass. Suddenly a huge yellow cat pounced out of the bushes and sank its fangs into the poor bird's neck.

Lee and I should've heeded the omen. We wound up renting a terrible apartment from this crazy lady for a few months. It was wedged inconveniently between 2 other crappy apartments and had no refrigerator or stove. We also could never figure out where to take our garbage, so it stacked up in the kitchen.

On one side of us was an older couple. He was always walking around in a dirty t-shirt and naked from the waist down. He yelled at his poor wife constantly and he drove a car with a bumpersticker that read "A little kindness won't kill you."

The other side of us was a woman who worked as a horse trainer at the equestrian center in Burbank. She had a yippy little dog that took a crap right outside Lee's window every morning. She drove a big truck and would rev her engine for what seemed like an eternity.

Lee and I spent our days exploring L.A. and looking for jobs. At night, we would put a bag of ice and and some beers in the kitchen sink. We watched the Dodgers win the world series.

One evening, little crinkly noises started coming from the mountain of trash bags in the kitchen. We could see the bags shifting and moving ever so slightly.

A few months later, Sarah and I got married and moved into a small 1 bedroom apartment in Hollywood. Lee found his own place just south of Sunset.